Good evening, humans.
So I’m almost twenty years old. I recently decided to grow a backbone and figure some things out in my life, and that included a pretty tough breakup. Well, the breakup itself wasn’t tough, just everything afterwards.
Luckily for me, I fell for a wonderful person who has never wanted anything but the best for me. This meant full understanding and a comforting goodbye in the end. Unfortunately for us, however, long distance relationships are the worst concept in the universe. You’re taking two people who sort of refuse to address the distance because of the way they feel about each other. Over time the distance literally pulls you apart. You start only thinking about ways to see them, and find yourself waiting for the days you can spend with them.
Weeks will pass when you don’t do anything for yourself, because you started that countdown to kissing their face about fifteen days ago.
I was so excited to see him, and he was finally coming home. I wanted to ignore the whole speech I’d prepared, and just be around him. I wanted to pretend like my heart didn’t hurt every time I saw him get in his car and leave again, but I couldn’t. I just couldn’t tell myself that it didn’t suck to attach myself to the one person who inevitably leaves at the end of the weekend. And that blows. I decided I needed to do something for myself and end the relationship. And if you’re reading this right now, I’m sorry.
He is always going to be my first love, and I’m glad I spent 50% of my time as a teenager with him. He’s honestly the best person I know, and I wish him well in every aspect of his life. Unfortunately, we’re just not teenagers anymore, and there is so much more in this world we need to experience.
So now that some time has passed, I have noticed that I need to pick up the pieces. I want to address a few of the things I’m doing to sort of heal this ache in my heart, because I can’t stay somber and lonely forever. I just can’t.
1. Put everything he/she’s given you into a box, and stuff it deep in a closet. We’ve seen this on TV and half the time the items are burned, tarnished, ripped to shreds, and thrown into a bottomless pit. I don’t think that’s necessary. I’m a very nostalgic person, and I really enjoy reading through the old letters he wrote to me while we were in high school, and I catch myself smelling his clothes to see if a scent is still stuck to it. I don’t care if that’s weird. Having mementos from a person who loved you inside and out is really cool, and I wouldn’t ever want to forget about the good times. Eventually you will fall in love again, and I’m sure you will throw things away. I suppose I just can’t have them sitting in my room any more. And that’s okay.
2. Stop talking about him. I was sitting in my car the other day with some friends, and I kept bringing up little stories that involved him and I. Naturally, I spent three years (give or take) with the guy. We’ve got a ton of stories, especially ones that relate to all my non-single friends and their couple stories. I realized after a few anecdotes that we are actually broken up. This means that my friends know the relationship is over, and I’m sure it doesn’t help me to keep bringing him up whenever I can. I closed that chapter of my life so that I could make new memories, and share new experiences in other facets of my life. I will always appreciate the things he did for me, but I’m in the business of moving forward.
3. Understand that getting under someone else won’t help me get over him. Hehe, we’ve all been told by our best friends that we need to find a new boy super quick so that we won’t think too hard about the thing we’ve just let go. It’s important to move on, yes, but why should you automatically put your heart on the line after something as serious as your first love? That will literally only end in more heartache. If you’re used to being in a loving relationship with someone, you’re not doing yourself any favors by jumping into a new relationship or even just in bed with someone else. I love that being single means I can work on myself, and figure out the tools that I need to grow as my own person.
4. HAVE FUN. Yes, that’s right. Go out with your friends, become an independent person, start to love yourself. It’s so much fun to just exist as your own person. And maybe while I’m out there having all this fun, I’ll find out what I want to do with my life, where I want to live, and the places I need to go. People grow every day, and it’s because of the things we do that shape us into the people we become. I can’t sit around and spend my life waiting for other people, and that initiative is what I need to become the best me that I can be.
5. I refuse to shit talk my ex. This is the most important part of picking up the pieces, I think. There are times when you want to vent to your best friend about fights you’re having, and that’s okay, but it’s absolutely pointless to sit around talking about how crappy of a person your ex is. They’re out of your life now, and does it actually make you feel better..? I doubt it. Because they’re probably not that bad, and if they’re so bad, why were you dating them for so long? Ya know? Talking bad about your exes to other people makes you look so much worse. Actually, talking badly about anyone just makes you look terrible. I fell in love with my ex almost every day for several years, and he made me feel confident as a person, and I appreciate him a lot for that. He was my best friend, and timing/distance was horrible, but I’m very grateful for all the times he woke me up with “good morning beautiful” texts, and the times he would make me laugh when shit got bad. So you won’t see me walking around with a bitter face, telling everyone about how unfairly I was treated, because I simply wasn’t.
In conclusion, I am almost twenty years old. I am very much looking forward to this next chapter of my life, but I am eternally grateful for the chapter I have just closed.